


The Month in the Motel

by shieldfansunite



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Agents of SHIELD, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Leopold Fitz - Freeform, Post-Framework Universe (Marvel), The Framework Universe (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 16:25:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12280185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shieldfansunite/pseuds/shieldfansunite
Summary: Post framework au.Leo spirals out of control in sadness and a depression. He pushes away the team and picks up bad habits. He learns he's not alone





	The Month in the Motel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gingerbreadlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerbreadlove/gifts).



> After reading a ton of post frameworks fanfics, and writing a few of my own this idea came to me.

The Month in the Motel  
Leo stood in front of the bathroom mirror. His hand began shaking as he attempted to grab a hold of the razor. And by began I mean it hadn’t stopped since the framework. Leo tried to concentrate on bringing the razor up to his jaw and shave however his hand began trembling more causing Leo to toss the razor back onto the counter. Leo stifled back tears and bit his lip firmly in frustration. His tight bite on his lip loosened when he felt pain. Once he stopped biting his lip the taste of blood slowly stained his mouth and he placed his tongue against the cut lip. He slowly moved his eyes back to the mirror staring intently at his reflection. His hair had grown out causing his curls to show again, only they were haywire and ungroomed. His facial hair was longer than he liked it and it was uneven and unamusing to look at. His eyes were severely bloodshot from crying and the bags under his eyes were clear indentations that he hadn’t been sleeping very well. The bedrooms lighting was dark and so was the bathrooms, almost as if they could sense the broken man which resided there. Leo felt guilt stir in his stomach for the billionth time that hour.  
Leo heard the door of his room open and he mumbled under his breath. He must not have closed it all the way. He heard the sound of feet in his room and took a few steps away from the bathroom door as Jemma came into his line of sight. “Hey Leo, do you like the room?” she asked slowly trailing off. Coulson had gotten the agents all a motel room to stay in while the old base was being repaired, Leo glanced down in shame. He didn’t deserve her, he didn’t deserve to stand by her. Shame and regret flooded into him and he looked down avoiding her. He shouldn’t have a friendship, let alone relationship with her. Jemma’s shoulders sank when she observed the puffy red eyes, the ungroomed hair and beard and the frumpy depressed look of the man she loved.  
Jemma knew since the beginning of the week he hadn’t left his hotel room, which explained his unusual pale skin. However she assumed he was still eating. His skin was shades lighter than what was healthy. His shirt and pants hung off his body showing signs of self-starvation. His eyes were dark and swollen, he looked like a completely different man. “Oh Leo” she said as sadness filled every part of her. She stepped in planning on resting her hand against his cheek however he simple took a step back. Jemma felt her heart break as she glanced away from the disheveled heartbroken man. She observed the razor and shaving supplies and had an idea “Okay, let me help!” she said eager to not be kicked from his room  
Leo was about to protest but Jemma refused to allow him to get rid of her that easily. “Sit” she ordered pointing at the tub, her voice loving but stern. Without arguing, almost to weak and tired to, Leo did as she said and slowly sat at the edge of the tub. “Now” she began “Do you want your bear trimmed, shaved off completely, evened out, or styled?” she asked him. “I want it off” he said his voice sounded dry and was shaky. He seemed almost unsure, of course Jemma knew since the framework he struggled with trusting his ideas. “Sounds like a plan” she said in a reassuring voice before setting quickly to work.  
Once she had shaved his beard she trimmed his curls so they were cut but she didn’t try and style his hair. She did her wok in silence unsure what she could say to make him feel better. “So, the team is going out to east again…” she said setting down the scissors and razor. “Why don’t you…” she began to ask if he’d come. “No” he said quicker than possible “I’m going to stay here. You can go to dinner with them” Jemma felt her forced smiles falter slightly. “Leo..” she began before trailing off quickly. “In fact I want to be alone. You can go now…” Leo added causing Jemma’s eyes to flood with tears. He hadn’t meant for it to come off as harsh as it did. However his cold sad tone struck Jemma deep.  
Jemma felt her jaw tense up as the words seemed to sting her heart. She slowly straightened the razor and scissors for a second as a tear dripped onto the counter. “Alright well… if you want me…. You know my number” she said drying her eye and walking out of the bathroom, doing her best to remind her it wasn’t personal. ‘Go after her, she needs you and you need her, run to her, pull her in your arms and loose it. Cry to her show her how you hurt so she can help… let her help’ the voice in his head screamed. ‘let her help’ it repeated but was quickly muffled out from a more influential voice, his father. ‘Why would she want you to go after her? She doesn’t love you. You’re a worthless pile of human flesh.’ The words rang in his ears and he paused biting his lip.  
Once his dads voice scolded him he felt his own self-hatred and anger boil up inside him. He shot to his feet and shoved everything he owned off the bathroom counter. The shaving cream, comb, scissors, and razor clattered to the floor echoing in Leo’s ear. Leo’s hand gripped the counter edge. He felt blood rush from his face as his knuckles turned white from how tightly he gripped the counter. His breathing picked up heavily which caused his chest to rapidly rise and fall. His breath and heartbeat were both rapidly uneven. His heart occasionally skipped a beat of two but that didn’t matter to Leo as tears streaked down his face causing water pool up on the counter top.  
After a minute Leo tried to compose himself, study his breathing, slow his heart rate but nothing worked. He fell to his knees in front of the counter and leaned his forehead against the cupboard. He felt himself sobbing so hard his body was shaking. His dad’s words ringing in his ear. He slowly moved his body so his back was against the cabinets. His legs were sprawled out in front him. From a third person view he looked like a stuff animal thrown against the wall and left alone, for who knows how long. Eventually he ran out of tears and his breathing slowed drastically. Eventually Leo’s eyes fluttered as he dozed off to sleep  
____________________________________________________________  
Leo stood in front of a group of people. His father at his right hand, Ophelia on his left. He felt a strange sense he didn't want to be next to them but a part of him said it was right. "This is what happens to those who threaten our society." he heard himself speaking. A large group of people gathered closer some cheering on calling out subversives and say horrid things about inhumans. Other crying out in protest. He wanted to stop the gathering, his mind felt twisted like he shouldn’t be there.  
"Those who try and destroy what I have built." He mentally frowned, what was he saying. But his mouth kept talking he stepped back and pulled Ophelia into his arms and kiss her passionately. "What we have built" he corrected. "Get eliminated" he spoke so coldly as he straightened his coat and tie. Guards brought out Jemma. She had a gag over her mouth preventing her from screaming. Her clothes were torn up and she looked as though she had gone through a ton of terrible torture. Tears raced down her face as she locked sight with Leos eyes and he wanted to scream that he loved her. Leo wanted nothing more than to rush to her side and hold her comforting her. But instead he slowly walked over putting a gun to her chest. "Threats. Are. Extinguished". he said pulling the trigger as Jemma dropped lifelessly to the floor.  
The sound of the gun shot rang in Leos ears as he was startled awake shooting to his feet. His heart was racing fast. The image of Jemma pleading for help. The feel of the gun in his hand, her lifeless body on the floor stained his memory "It was just....just a dream" he said to himself. He looked around the empty, dark, and cold room before sighing and rubbing his eyes. He managed to steady his breathing and as one hand limply fell to his side the other moved down and rubbed the back of his aching neck. He caught a glimpse of the scattered hygiene stuff and sighed remembering his fit of rage, bending down and picking it up he decided to check the time and see how long he had slept  
20 minutes. That was all he slept before waking from a nightmare. Considering his recent track record it was extremely impressive, as he usually only slept for 5 minutes 'Go to dinner. If not to socialize then at least to eat. Maybe a salad, and steak' his mind urged, Leo battled with his urge to eat and his desire to hide away from the people he hurt. Leo followed his desire for food and slowly walked to the front door, he hesitated before grabbing the door knob and turning it. He paused once more before heading out into the world. He meet the team and they welcomed him with warm smiled and happy Hello's to which he responded with half weak smile, and a hello’s under his breath.  
The team went to Olive Garden and Leo sat as far away as he could, it's not that the team was being harsh. In fact it was quite the opposite. They were to kind in Leos eyes, he deserved a cold shoulder from every one of them. Most of the night was filled with jokes and laughs from the rest of the team leaving Leo alone, which he was glad about. Jemma would occasionally try and get him to talk but she wasn't surprised when he didn't respond. Leo was lost in thought, his mind reverting back to the framework. The things he did, the people he heard. The screams of the inhumans echoed in his ears as the sound of laughter was drowned out. At one point his anxiety got the best of him. His breathing picked up and the sound of his team felt distant like it was on the other end of a long tunnel. Once he couldn't take it he stood up. "Leo?" Jemma asked cautiously. "I need air". he said walking off as his breathing was heavy.  
He didn't know what happened but he felt himself run into someone and stumble as he heard glass shatter. When he got over the initial shock he quickly knelt down. "I'm so so sorry" he said frantically trying to help the waitress scoop up the glass and ice. "Sir it's okay" she insisted. "I can get a broom" she said cheerfully, however in Leos anxiety ridden mind he couldn't hear her "I'm such and idiot" he said mindlessly ignoring the glass that was taking turns cutting up his hands.  
Jemma knelt down. "Leo leave it" she said putting her hand on his shoulder. Her voice commanding yet soothing as she pulled him to his feet. "Come outside with me" she said grabbing his shirt sleeve and pulling him along with her. When they got outside Leo stubbornly ripped his arm from her grasp. Jemma was in slight shock at his harsh gesture but quickly recovered. "Leopold. James. Fitz" she said sternly causing him to slowly lower his body onto the nearby bench, and stare up at her, slightly alarmed by the stern use of his full name. Jemma shoulders relaxed ever so slightly, in a sense of defeat almost. "Leo please talk to me." she said kneeling down infront of him, she placed her hand gentle on his knee and rubbed his leg slightly. He avoided eye contact until she forced his face back to look at hers.  
"Leo please" she begged at the point of tears. "I don't deserve to" he said so quiet Jemma barely heard. Jemma took his cut and bloody hands in hers as tears threatened to escape her eyes. "Leo you deserve more than self-isolation. Please I love you and I don't want to lose you" she said trying to reason. "Give it about four months and you'll find someone" Leo said bitterly, he didn't mean it and he didn't want to say it, but he did, in reference to Will. Jemma's shoulders straightened visible hurt flashed back and forth in her eyes. "Leo that was different and you know it....." she said choking on tears that threatened to fall. "Just go away and leave me alone. I don't want you" he said avoiding eye contacts. "Take… take it back" Jemma stammered, she knew he didn't mean it but hearing Leo say that he didn't want her stung . "Take it back Leo, I mean it" she said as a tear raced down her face. "You don't want me...so why try" he said pushing past her as he got to his feet and started walking off, Jemma covered her mouth as she watched him walk off  
Leo was walking back to his motel when he made a stop at one of the bars. He had a couple drinks of whiskey before leaving and deciding to finish his journey home. When he was nearing the motel he was a drug store, he was going to ignore it but the urge to drown out his emotions was stronger than the few drinks he had previously consumed. Against better judgement he stopped by and got two six packs of beer before he went to his room and closed himself inside. The rest of the night was a blur. All Leo could remember was opening up beer after beer until the cases were gone.  
_________________________________________________________________________________  
The next morning Leo woke up to a bucket of water splashing him in the face and he gasped as he woke up. His body soaking wet as he shot up his breathing heavy and his head pounding. He was then blinded by the rays of sun streaming through the window which was recently opened. "Morning Leo!" Jemma exclaimed in a purposefully loud, and slightly angry voice. Leo groaned and covered his ears and tightly shut his eyes as his headache started pounding even worse. “Jemma please don’t yell”. Jemma rolled her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry you got wasted last night!” He had rarely experienced hangovers since awkward scientists hardly ever go out drinking with friends, and he wasn’t sure if the hangover was worse or Jemma’s upset expression. Jemma sat down next to him on the bed and pried his hands from the side of his face. Which slowly coaxed him into opening his eyes.  
"Is this what you want Leopold.” She inquired to which she was meet with a confused look “To honestly become like you dad and be an alcoholic?" her voice seemed to plead with him to listen. When she said that he looked down unable to look at her. Her eyes seeking him for someone who, despite anything would listen. Once he didn’t respond she sighed and continued "Cause if so fine. I won't force you to get better. I'll let you drink your pain away until you're completely different and wrecked." she said regretfully as a tear dripped onto the bed "But" she added "if you don't want to be like him. Then get your butt into the shower. Brush your teeth and straighten up!" she said pleading with him the best she could  
Leo wouldn't deny he was shocked by Jemma's boldness. He gulped loudly and now that Jemma knew he was definitely listening she placed a hand gently on his knee rubbing it gently "I'm not gonna give up on you" she said her voice soft and loving "I'm going to fight for you because I love you" she declared. "I don't deserve it....your love.... any of it...I don't even deserve you....how can you look at me after....after what you saw?" Leos words shook Jemma to the core. Jemma took a deep breath. "Because I love you. I don't blame you for what the doctor didn't...I blame you for isolating yourself...yelling at me and...and bringing up Will. I'm mad as heck about that... but I know that you need me right now more than I need you." She said before pausing. "So what's it going to be...?" she asked.  
Leo was avoiding eye contact with her. He didn't feel like even breathing let along respond. He fought back tears before he shakenly replied. "I want to be alone" Jemma caught her breath. She hoped she would have been able to get through to him. Her world felt like it was collapsing. Jemma let a tear escape her eye before standing up and closing the curtains slowly. "Alright...but whenever you want me....I'll be here" she said calmly although she felt her heart was being pulled into a million different pieces. She walked to the door and was hesitant to leave. "Just...don't lose yourself" she muttered before closing the door behind her.  
Once Jemma left she broke down in tears right outside his door hitting her knees to the floor. She cried for who knows how long before drying her eyes. She slowly stood and with shaking legs walked down the hall until she got to her room and collapsed on the bed in the fetal position unsure what more she could do. She fought back tears. 'I should just tell him...maybe that will make it better' her mind whispered before she sat up and walked into the bathroom taking a look at the pregnancy test. It made sense she was pregnant, she must have been pregnant through the framework...lucky the baby had survived and was roughly four weeks old. Jemma rubbed her eyes, she had to wait until either the symptoms started showing and she gained a baby bump, or Leo straightened up his act.  
____________________________________________________________________________________  
It was hard to tell whose next month was more miserable. Jemma knew she couldn’t keep visiting him as she couldn’t stand seeing him so unhealthy. However every day she felt guilt that she was letting Leo spiral out of control. On one hand she knew if she forced him to talk, if she forced the drinking to stop. If she forced him to get better then he would and in a few days he would spiral out of control again, it couldn’t be her chose to make him better it had to be his. Knowing there was a chance he would get better was the only thing giving her hope. The words he had spoken about her finding someone else and not wanted her haunted Jemma day and night. She knew he didn’t mean them however it still hurt. Leo would never normally say that to her and if he had that meant he was struggling badly and she couldn’t help. Jemma barely saw Leo, occasionally she would watch him walk across the street to get more drinks before returning to his room quickly.  
Jemma had spent the month helping Coulson re-plan and built the lab at the new base. She made sure it had all the upgrades and she hoped that any second Leo would peak his head out asking is she was considering the engineering department. However she didn’t have that good of luck, instead she would glance at his motel room sadly and walk off to her room to cry. Elena and Daisy tried to lift her mood by taking her to dinner, movies, and having girl’s night. Jemma couldn’t blame them for wanting to try however they just couldn’t understand. Elena and Mack were doing better than before and even though Daisy had lost the man she loved, Lincoln, she didn’t have to witness him destroying himself. Jemma was always terrified that she would find Leo dead one day and her mind struggled with how to cope.  
Leo on the other hand didn't really noticed the time that had passed as he'd either be drinking or passed out from drinking. He’d pass out, wake up and his mind would immediately review what happened in the framework causing him to grab another drink to get rid of the pain. He was a mess and his room was the same. He had lost a lot of weight, almost 50 pounds as he wasn't eating much. It wasn’t that he was trying to starve himself however he felt to sick to eat. Leo stood in his room and gently peaked out the window watching cars drive past. The sun blinded him as he hadn’t seen it in forever and once he saw Daisy look over he quickly shut the blinds. He paced his room before laying down one the bed and drifting to sleep. Immediately the dreams started.  
“Leopold” the female voice spoke causing him to turn and look at Ophelia. “How are you here” he muttered nervously. “I don’t think that matters” she said stepping forward. “All that matters is that I am here” she said softly kissing his cheek. “No I… I don’t love you” he said causing Ophelia’s expression to change. “You’re right. You love Jemma. But you and I know you will just cause her pain.” She said suddenly turning and stabbing Jemma in the chest. “NO!!!” Leo shouted as he shot out of bed his heart racing. His body shook and he broke down into tears. He stumbled from his bed and searched the room till he found a bottle of alcohol and downed it. The image of Jemma dropping to the ground haunting his whole body. It was his fault. All of it.  
There was a knock on his door and it pulled him from his thoughts. He looked cautiously at the door and he waited hoping whoever it was would go away. Hoping that it was some cleaning lady who’d get bored waiting for a reply and leave quickly. When there was another knock he frowned angrily. He stood and stammered to the door and waited for a minute before deciding to open the door. His legs wobbled and he kicked the empty bottled out of the way before he opened the door. "what" he said cold and harshly before his eyes processed who it was standing in-front of him. Jemma looked shocked by his response.  
Jemma's heart shattered seeing Leo how he was. He looked one day away from death. "Leo I came to say that in a few days the new base will be ready" she said once she had gained her composer. Leo barely nodded an okay before slamming the door in her face causing her to jump back and tears raced down her face. Jemma slowly turned and walked away. Leo dropped the now empty bottle that was in his hand onto the floor causing the glass to shatter. Leo coughed before stumbling around trying to find more to drink. He made his way into the bathroom looking around. He glanced in the mirror and caught a glimpse of himself. He froze immediately. It wasn't what he looked like that had Leo trembling. It was who he looked like.  
His facial hair was uneven again and his hair had grown out longer and ungroomed, and un-brushed. Leos mind flashed back to a childhood memory, one he spent years trying to supress. His dad looking like a mess, drunker then he had been before, as he yelled at Leo and hit him around a bit. he remember his mom saying something and a fight breaking. His mom defending him and his dad getting so angry that he left slamming the door. Leo’s heart froze as he remember how he slammed the door on Jemma. The hurt look in her eyes. He hadn’t seen her for heaven knows how long. He covered his mouth his heart stopping. "Oh my gosh" he said slowly as he turned to his bedroom. He quickly ran back to the door. Realization clicking in his mind as he the open the door. "Jemma"  
Leo shouted her name as she turned around. “Jemma I’m sorry!” he called from his door. Jemma stared at Leo her heart beating. He ran up to her, she meet him halfway throwing their arms around each other. "I'm so sorry...I...I...I'm just like him and...and I'm...I'm so sorry" he sobbed into her shoulder. He was surprised when her arms slipped around him and help him close “Leo calm down” she said softly as he continued to sob more. “I’m just like my father”. He cried into her and she began to cry. "Its okay Leo…. You’re nothing like him…I’m.. I'm right here" she comforted and she held him tightly, his arms pulling her in even tighter. "It's okay" she whispered again but this time for herself.  
_______________________  
Jemma clean the empty bottles from his room while Leo showered, and shaved. Once she had thrown away all the bottles she sprayed some fabreeze in the air to make it smell good. Finally the bathroom door opened and Leo stepped out. He wore a new set of clean pajamas, he had shaved most of his facial hair off leaving only his preferred amount. He had trimmed his own hair and brushed his teeth. He looked himself again. He was still skinny from the weight lose but Jemma knew how to fix that. She had ordered them some room service and it was waiting on the desk. "Thank you Jemma" Leo said sincerely. "Leo I… "She began to say before Leo cut her off. "I mean it...thank you for letting me be a wreck because...when I saw myself. I....I looked just like him...I was a spinning image of my father and....I needed to see that to know that...I don't want to be like him"  
His voice had sincerity and shame behind it. "You're not like him...you had a hard time....but you're better than he is" she said taking his hand and sitting down. Leo smiled and his stomach growled. "I'm glad you ordered dinner" he admitted. "Ya, you looked a tad hungry" she said softly. Before turning her attention to the plate. They didn’t talk much while they ate, Leo didn't feel like opening up quite yet but that was okay with Jemma,. The conversation they did have was about surface stuff, the base, the new lab. Once dinner was done Jemma went to leave the room but Leo spoke up “please don’t” she said causing her to look at him “Don’t what” Leo glanced down feeling his lip quiver “Please don’t leave me” he said as tears raced down his cheeks. “Oh Leo I’d never leave you” her voice soft as she walked up to him. she cupped his face in her hands. “I could never leave you”  
Leo felt himself smile softly at her. “Can…can I kiss you?” he asked hesitantly. Afraid she would say no. “Of course Leo, and you don’t need to…” before she could finish he pulled her into a passionate kiss causing her to mumble against his lips. It didn’t take long for Jemma to sink into the kiss and his arms. Once he slowly pulled back he gently rubbed his lips together “Will you stay with me tonight…So…so I don’t have nightmares” he added. Jemma nodded and gently lead him into bed, helping him climb under the covers. She softly draped her arms around his body. “You don’t have to be scared, I’ll be here all night”


End file.
